Sunday, July 16, 2006

WW III...
I just wanted to take a second to give a big THANK YOU shout out to all the homies in Isreal and those wacky wonderful Hezbollah folks from Lebanon...just kinda get the feeling like we're on the brink here folks - and these crazy bastards are showing no signs of slowin' down SO - in the spirit of the season - here's a wonderful link that you will all surely enjoy/relate to...ROCK!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Robo - ILL!

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—Responding to mounting pressure and increasingly confrontational rhetoric from the outside world, North Korean president Kim Jong Il unfolded into a 70-foot-tall, 62-ton giant robot Monday.

"The DPRK's nuclear program is very much its own business, as is its right to determine its own path of security," said Kim, his torso splitting along ventral seams as clusters of Taepo-Dong ICBMs rose from his shoulders. "Any attempt by Washington to decide our fate will surely result in a sea of fire being unleashed upon them."

As his arms and legs sheathed themselves in bulletproof Mecha-Muscle telescoping outward from his chest, Kim reiterated his refusal to bow to international demands.

"Constant criticism from outside indicates mistrust of our promise to refrain from missile tests," said Kim, speaking over the mechanical shriek of wingblades sprouting from his back. "Only trust from the U.S. that we will keep our word can prevent World War III."

"The imperialist West is holding my country to standards which it does not see fit to meet itself," continued Kim, his voice now a metallic, digitized boom emanating from somewhere within the titanium helmet sheathing his head. "This does not surprise me, as they are well-famed for their lies."

"Pyongyang Dynamo Power Punch!" added Kim, as he released his fist-modules skyward with twin robotic uppercuts.

While the Bush Administration remains publicly confident that a diplomatic solution can be reached, top officials admit that the situation has become more complicated.

"If we add Kim Jong Il's transformation into a giant robot to his already defiant isolationist stance and his country's known nuclear capability, the diplomatic terrain definitely becomes more rocky," U.S. envoy James Kelly said. "Kim has made it clear that, if sufficiently threatened, he will not hesitate to use nuclear weapons or his arm-mounted HyperBazooka."

Added Kelly: "We are also forced to consider the possibility that Kim may attempt to robo-meld with other members of the Axis of Evil, forming a MegaMecha-Optima-Robosoldier. Kim would make a powerful right arm—or even a torso—for such a mechanism."

During a visit Monday to the Demilitarized Zone dividing the Korean peninsula, Kim stressed that his transformation was not an act of aggression, but rather an attempt to defend his nation's autonomy.

"The DPRK must not be subject to the whims of an international coalition with no regard for the welfare of the Korean people," said Kim before stomping the ground with his foot, unleashing a devastating ring of energy that vaporized nearby reporters and military vehicles. "Catastrophic Valiant Kim-Chee Earthquake Stomp-Kick!"

for more gems like this one visit www.theonion.com - "America's Finest News Source!"

Monday, July 10, 2006

Typhoon season...
You just know it's gonna be an interesting 24 hours when an email like this hits your inbox:

Subject: RE: Destructive Weather SOP

ALCON,

Due to forecast of weather conditions PT is cancelled for tomorrow. Everyone should report to duty at regular work call hours (0900 HRS).

...I have to say - I’ve NEVER received an email like that one before...(SOP stands for standard operating procedures, by the way) it appears that the season's first typhoon is headed to run right through Seoul, we're expecting about 5-8 inches of water in what will apparently be a rather short and quick period of time - FUN!...I guess it's all a part of the Korea experience...

...As for the photo above - that is a shot of the parking area/drive on the front side of my office back in August (I think) of last year when I first got out here...it rained for MAYBE 20 minutes...having just arrived and not seen anything like this before (Katrina hadn’t even hit yet) - the word apocalypse immediately came to mind – that and boat…you could literally sit there and see the water rising…anyway – no apocalypse…just Korea…and that wasn’t even a typhoon – just a shower…should be an interesting next couple of hours out here…

Anyway – so apparently we’re supposed to “remain indoors during periods of the storm” or something like that – thanks…I need a four-star general to tell me that folks – seriously…he felt the need to explain to us that water can be dangerous and that a lot of water in a short period of time can cause flooding and thus be a dangerous situation…wholly crap – for reals!?

Thanks for the heads up! Damn…

Moving along…this thing is supposed to run through our little piece of “home” between now (9 p.m.) and sometime before sunrise…so here’s hoping I can at least sleep through the rain and the 30 mph gusts of wind! If not though – trust that I have purchased the necessary provisions for a typhoon scenario: beer, water, food, and some beer…

ROCK!

UPDATE: not a drop...woke up this morning and not a single drop of rain...birds were chirpin' the sun is shining and the skies are blue...the lesson here of course being that we can somehow track missiles and what not, but have yet to truely figure out how to track the weather! awesome...