The Magazine...

well here it is...this finally hit the stands last Friday - which is great timing with everyone on the entire peninsula ON LEAVE somewhere else...whatever, I'm just happy that the damn thing is finally done...and now on to the NEXT issue...whenever the hell that might be - I just love the organization of things here...it's simply amazing that ANYTHING gets done...anyway - enjoy the latest issue of the ROK Steady (Winter 2005) – of which I will only take credit for all of the layout and design and anything that you like about the thing…any errors you may find were obviously someone else’s department and anything you don’t like – well – whatever, it’s free so there…

Omnes lagani pistrinae gelate male sapient…

All frozen pizzas taste lousy…

So we had tacos fool!...and they were stupendous…Merry Christmas to all and to all…

A Taco…and so it was written…

Slept in ‘til around 11 and pulled myself from the bed in search of sustenance and solace…I found the former quickly in the form of a healthy bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch followed up by a monster of a ham, turkey and cheese sandwich – with ALL the fixin’s this year…yummie…

I then found the latter around three in the afternoon when I called my buddy/NCO to find out what the deal was with the Christmas Tacos he had spoken so highly of a few days prior…and after a stop at the store for a bottle of “BeefEater Gin” (he asked for Gin so I got him Gin…and who could resist something so brazenly named BeefEater – it’s from London – which makes sense I guess) and a six-pack for me…and me and my cab were on our way in to Iteawon...

He told me to meet him at the McDonalds…easy enough…until I got out of the cab…“wanna by some of this”…“you need suit”…“blah blah buy this blah blah”…apparently EVERYTHING is still open on Christmas Day here in Korea…it’s all good though…I’m cheery and out and about and what not…“what’s up suit-guy” I inquired…and just as he started in on his spiel I realized that I was right in front of a rather large shoe store…I saw various Nike swooshes in all sorts of colors and immediately forgot that suit-guy even existed…

Briefly in awe – moments later I was removed from the paradise by my buddy – and then confronted by the suit-guy I had so rudely blown off minutes earlier…I took his card…I’m supposed to call him James next time I’m around there…neat…

So we’re not at homeboy’s crib for 10 minutes when the power goes out…“fuck” I say – it’s my Christmas touch of Death again…sorry dude…I should go…BUT…

Hong Kong Phooey was on the job and within twenty minutes or so everything was back on - beef cookin’, lights on music rockin’ – yeah…

Now I guess this is where I would be talking about all the other folks there and how it was a raging party and all that – naw…the other people that were supposed to show pulled a Finch and just stayed in…oh well…me and homey ate up a bunch of tacos, drank some beer and just shot the shit (talked about life and nonsense) while some Marvin Gaye played and Smokey Robinson was busy seconding that emotion…very chill…

and then we decided to head over to another guy’s apartment on the other side of Seoul…

Venturing outside for the first time in a couple hours, it was noticeably colder since I had arrived…ignoring that, we walked in search of the elusive trustworthy-cab…and we were on our way…

This guy is apparently a pimp in disguise – to EVERYONE – but himself…which is fun (for everyone else) to say the least…He always wants to wear suits and when we showed up he was actually attempting to pull off the Hugh Heffner look - sans the Bunnies of course…which, ya know, I’ll give him an E for effort…lots of cool stuff in the crib though, and a very chill place on the 12th floor of this building overlooking the river – VERY CHILL...

Not having had a beer in nearly 45 minutes he quickly poured me a glass of “Cass” (laugh it up Ian, Tim, Tom – haha - bitches) which I would shortly learn was the first, last and ONLY beer on the premises…

We laughed it up and even popped in an old Jerry Lewis movie (The Nutty Professor) …this is when dude started fast forwarding and explaining how much of a Pimp he thought ‘ol Jerry was as the suave professor…lines like when she tells him “you’re impossible” and he quickly replies with “ well hurry up and grab you some impossible baby – you’ll love it” – awesome…and suddenly his whole existence was becoming clear…stupendous…so fun! – you can’t buy this kind of entertainment!...

Anyway…after discussing what I recall as plans B through G for New Year’s Eve we again were off…

A quick stop by the U.N. Club – which is nothing like what the name might suggest…then a snagging of some “chicken on a stick” – which may or may not have been actual chicken…but was scrumptious nonetheless…and then a stop by somewhere that turned out to be somewhere else…and then I proclaimed that my night was through and once again we set out to find a reliable cab…done and done…

A fairly nice evening all around I must say…not nearly as much drunkin’ debauchery as I had expected – which was nice – and a lot of good conversations and some surprisingly good music…so I say to everyone!…Tacos for ALLLLL!

Honestly though, a nice quote that I stumbled across this evening pretty evenly sums up everything right now…

Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis – All things change, and we change with them…

Merry Christmas everybody – hope all is well with You and Yours…muuahh!

Christmas Past...

Alright…so here we go… Christmas Past…at least the Army ones anyway…here’s a quick re-cap for some of you…

Left for the basic training and Fort Knox in August of ’99 shortly after both turning 18 and graduating high school…went on to school at Fort Meade, Md. to learn how to be a “military journalist” before heading off for my first duty station which was none other than lovely Fort Bliss, Tx. all the way down in El Paso (yes, that’s sarcasm)…left there on my way to Wiesbaden, Germany in 2001…left Germany for Kuwait (my third trip no less) in late February/ early March of ’03…hit Iraq in May (a couple days before Mom’s birthday)…got back to Germany in February ’04…became retarded around June right before I reenlisted for three years under the premise that I would be going to stay at Fort Knox for a while…showed up here in Seoul in August of ’05 – so much for Fort Knox...

So heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go…

Christmas ’99 – This is a time early on in a young military career that should send off all kinds of flares and warning signals telling you that things are not always as they seem...after recently getting out of basic training, I’m up at Fort Meade in Md. only about 2 and a half hours from home, which was nice…anyway – come Christmas-time the Drill Sgt’s start enforcing upon everyone that YOU WILL GO HOME YOU BASTARDS…and that if you didn’t – they would do things to you that would make hell seem like a Baskin Robins Shop on a warm Sunday afternoon…oh we left folks…and why wouldn’t we – hell we were told we “had to” AND we’d get to go home and away from these crazy bastards for a while…little did we know that it would be a LONG TIME before we would be able to take leave again…taking that much leave, you see, put us all “in the hole” as they say, and we technically “owed” leave days to the Army because of our “forced” vacation…anyway that’s another story for another time…tricky tricky those drill sgt’s…

Well, I can’t remember how I got home – my father no doubt picked me up and brought me south to my mom’s house in the neighborhood…I probably don’t remember much of any of this because of the shock that was occurring throughout my system at seeing things “outside” of what had been my environment for the last five months…anyway, got home kinda late…happiness abounded and all was wonderful…things quieted down and I went off into the night in search of the homies…

Got home very late, or very early – depending on your point of view…and proceeded to pass out…knock, knock, knock…knocK, knOCK, KNOCK…

And suddenly something is a happening…my mom – in the darkness of my room – was asking me if I would go with her somewhere…what…will you ride with me she asks…and I’m thinking I’m either in a dream or she is…so I kinda say loudly WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT…will you ride with me to go pick up your bother…pick him up? WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT?...

…from the Police Station, she said softly…as she turned to go get him…

Christmas ’00 – I’m at Fort Bliss in the middle of El Paso, or North Jaurez (mexico) as I call it…I’m fairly certain that everyone went home to family and I stayed back at Bliss…it was my choice…I had pushed for, and been given, the opportunity to redesign the post newspaper which hadn’t been done in quite some time as I recall…so I spent the non-holiday days working with our civilian publisher and layout designer extraordinaire Val…and with our powers combined - we managed to create a very clean, airy, flowing design which I think everyone was pleased with when it debuted headlining (and scooping everyone else) the new Army slogan – ‘An Army of One’…ahhh good times…anyway – for Christmas I remember getting a sweet drawing of a drunkin’ Santa searching for his deer (and I’m certain something else with it) from Aaron and Dawn – ‘The Thackers’ – which I actually still have and laugh at from time to time…and on Christmas day I think it was around 65 or 70 degrees and I went out and played a little basketball against myself – I won! Ha!...

Christmas ’01 – I got to Germany right around the middle of December…BAD MOVE…I’m 19 in a new country – blah, blah – and so my NCO picks me up at the airport gets me to the unit…I “meet the first sgt.” and get a room…I’m a “senior specialist” so I’m upstairs with my own room – sweeeeet!...then pooof…everyone’s gone…everyone went home back to the states – including my NCO…

So I’m new in Germany, by myself in a room, in a practically empty building, AND my heat is out…not sweeeet…BUT, I call my homeboy – my old roommate from Fort Meade who happens to be married and living with his wife down in Heidelberg…he comes and gets me and I’m gonna spend the holidays with him and his peeps down there…a day and a half later – a day before Christmas – we’re sitting in the barracks room of some dude on leave that he knew – my buddy’s wife had kicked him out…awesome…so on Christmas we enjoyed ham sandwiches and mustard (‘cause we forgot to get mayonnaise) and drank a couple 40oz. Beers while playing NCAA Football on Playstation2...

Christmas ’02 – I went to a club in Germany (yes a club was open on Christmas Eve…and yes I of all non-clubbin’ people went to it) and we stayed out ‘til it closed… and my buddy got laid with my friend’s friend… and I let a girl (my friend) from Wuerzburg that wanted to get with ME sleep in my bed while I took the couch like a “gentleman” because I was oblivious to the fact that she was smitten with the Finch…I’m so lame…

Christmas ’03 – This was the day that I was supposed to get medi-vac’d out of Iraq and back to the Hospital in Germany…I was apparently dying which honestly sucked as I recall…I showed up at the hospital almost a week prior (thanks to the lovely Angela) after being sick for a couple days…at this point I couldn’t get up and I was very scared which was a shockingly new symptom…I got to the hospital around 9 or 10 p.m. and had a blood pressure of something in the neighborhood of 30 over 70…not quite sure what that means but from the way the doctors and what not reacted, I think I had just about had it…spent the next several days on an IV, high fever, constant blood tests, chills, medicine time, high fever, a little sleep, chills (they called this cyclic fevers which also, apparently, is a bad thing – I could honestly look at the clock and KNOW when the bastard 103 fever was gonna hit two or three times a day…very scary stuff folks…WahOOO!) the worst part was – besides the fact that NO ONE knew what was wrong with me – that I didn’t want anyone to call my mom ‘cause I didn’t want to freak her out…which worked out because one day my fever missed it’s appointment and I began to get my strength back (much thanks to the lovely Angela) and low and behold they released me on Christmas Day…I still sucked for about a week or so but at least I wasn’t still dying in the hospital…

And if you haven’t read the blog from yesterday – go ahead and get your fill of Christmas ’04…

And for the record – I’d like to say that this is in no way an attempt for sympathy or a way for me to whine and bitch about whatever…I’ve been thinking about the last couple Christmas’s for a week or two now and I just felt like reminiscing a bit…that and I needed to write...that and I wanted some sympathy… and to whine a little bit…shut up…

The Finch that lost Christmas…

Yup – it’s official…I’ve lost Christmas…I thought I had gotten it back last year for good, even with a few crazy and unexplainable what-the-hell-just-happened moments…the Happiness, the Love, the Beauty that the holiday can, and should, Be…

When the Thought IS what really matters, because the Thought is to try and put the purest of pure smiles on your loved-one’s face(s)…that moment when the paper is torn apart and the gift you gleaned to find – the perfect gift – is revealed and your heart is filled with the joy of your loved one…their happiness fills you with a warmth that can only occur right then and there at that place and at that specific moment in time…

It’s funny ‘cause while I’m writing this gibberish I’m thinking about what my family went through back when Christmas was still Santa and his Elves for me and my convict of a brother (gotta give you shit bro)…how they must have nearly shanked their own eyes out trying to figure out what to get, or how to get it, or how to make THIS YEAR special…simply because they Cared about seeing that Moment – that pure happiness – and feeling that Warmth that comes with it…whoa - that was weird…

I remember one year my Uncle Gene (Forrest as he is now commonly known as) and my Aunt Diana (still Diana!) came down to Richmond…this was back before they had their now High School-aged children (jeeze – that’s weird)…it was so fun – I mean this was MY uncle – STILL IS DAMMIT! HA! – and I loved whenever he was around, so this being Christmas time, was even better…both he and Diana treated us like we were their own ‘cause well - like I said – they didn’t have THEIR OWN yet…I remember one year (it may be part of the same, I can’t remember) they got us a Nintendo (which had just come out and we didn’t know what the hell it was) not JUST the Nintendo though, the whole deal people, the PowerPad, the gun, some games – put it this way – even WITH my Xbox360 I STILL find time to play the original Mario Bros. every now and then…but while me and my brother were mystified by the technology I swear I recall Gene and Diana repeatedly snagging the controllers and “showing us how to do it” and havin’ a blast…anyway I digress…

…This one year they came down and the last present was these strange puzzle pieces that they had no doubt painstakingly created which, when put together, was a map of clues to our last present…I remember being so damn impressed with the fact that these people were able to create a couple homemade puzzles…anyway, I think my clues led me outside to the front porch to a new bike – which seemed kinda lame (the front porch aspect) when we deciphered my brother’s puzzle…

You remember those Bigfoot things for kids…the battery powered things shaped like a monster truck that little kids could drive around and stuff…well yeah that was his present…the thing was, is we looked at that damn puzzle for awhile – I mean I found mine pretty quick ‘cause I mean – it’s on the freggin front porch duh!...but we’re workin’ it and we work our way into the bathroom of all places and me and my brother are baffled at this point (yes, I’m helping dammit, what are older brothers for – that and I was genuinely curious)…low and behold there was a Bigfoot in the bathtub…I don’t remember who pulled the curtain back but sure as shit – there it was…I think he actually peed himself – either from sheer excitement or happiness, but bowel control was certainly a concern (hell the kid used to run to piss every time the Pink Panther cartoon came on because he got so excited – it was like clockwork)…

But THAT is Christmas in my mind…I cannot begin to imagine the warmth that my parents and my aunt and uncle felt at those moments…yes, it’s also about religion and celebrating Christ, but more so I like to think of it as an opportunity to press reset on the year and for a day, a week, a month – whatever – for everyone to be happy and move past all the nonsense…a chance to stop working to put smiles on our own faces, but to try and make sure that the people we care about KNOW that we care and how important they are to us…which religiously speaking – if you’re in to that sort of thing – is all done IN celebration of the Baby Jesus…so there…I’m losing track here though…

Anyway, last year I ran out and bought a fake – but lovely – full size tree and a bunch of ornaments and a star for the top and lights and - well yeah, I bought a tree…my lady was coming to town – my fiancé at the time and I wanted it to be Christmas…I shopped…I ordered stuff…I asked people for advice on good gifts or other Christmassy ideas…bought some diamonds for her (ooooohh yeah! Momma ain’t raise no fool) wrapped a bunch of stuff – she sent me wrapped presents in the mail so I had them under my tree in my one-bedroom crib back at Fort Knox…hell – my 42 inch plasma screen (roughly the size of a fireplace) sat on a stand basically on the floor and I picked up this DVD of a fireplace which I thought – while corny – was a lovely touch…

Then it even snowed – this was gonna be perfect…but then it kept snowing and snowing and snowing and snowing and the morning I went to pick her up at the airport I had to get two guys in the parking lot to help push me out…

She was jet-lagged when I got to her but was amazed the whole way back to Knox by the snowiness…then the tree…and then we stayed up late Christmas Eve and opened our presents at 12:01 a.m. Christmas morning…basking in the glow of my “fireplace”…

I finally – after four years of sucky December 25’s spent alone and away from home – had Christmas back…and we were planning to get married, and all Christmas’s future looked to be wonderful and glorious…the Warmth people – I once again had the Warmth…

But alas…that was 362 days ago…and things change…and Warmth cools over time…

I’m now, as you know, in South Korea…and, as you don’t (didn’t know) there will be no marriage…and I am once again relegated to spending another so-called Christmas in the Army… alone and somewhere FAR, FAR away from family…far, far away from any semblance of Warmth…

Wow, this really took off in a whole different direction than I had originally intended…
This time of year always brings about an opportunity – for good or ill – for reflection…so that’s where I’m at right now…I’ve been thinking about posting a nice Christmas Past post about my Christmas’s since leaving home and doing the whole Soldier thing…if for no other reason than in hopes of keeping some poor bastard who accidentally reads my post from putting himself through the same beating…

More so though – just want to write some stuff…keep my brain busy…that and after I post the Christmas Past thing I can then post a Christmas Present thing…which apparently will include tacos and alcohol…so stay tuned – and Merry Christmas!...

While I may be described as a slut becuase of this review, I stand behind my opinion of this game...fun does not begin to describe the overall allure of this game...so here's what I wrote for Amazon.com:

I'm not a "gamer" folks and hopefully will never claim to be, but this game, in my book anyway, has to go down as simply one of the best that I've ever played.
The story is pure (true to the subject) and when showing it to a history buff Major of mine in the U.S. Army he was amazed at the ability to almost relive some of the most brutal and amazing battles that have ever takin place. From a young Russian sharpshooter to a tank-commander to a british line-man to a U.S. Infantry Cpl., this game and its' story takes you through the War.
The graphics are exceptional and I'm saying this even though being stationed in Korea I am unable to play on my high def plasma screen. I honestly can't wait to see this thing on that coupled with my surround sound speakers. It's actually the ONLY game that I would recommend so far (I own Ridge Racer6, Madden 2006 and NBA Live 2006) that I would say warrants the 60 dollar price tag.
The online play may be a bit suspect right now (but keep in mind that only like 100 other people in the world own the system right now) but that's bound to be fixed in the near future. I CAN say that one of my measures of ANY game at this point (keep in mind, that I'm NOT a "gamer") is that if I actually am able to "beat" a game that I should feel somewhat disappointed.
With that in mind, I can assure you that if/when you complete everything in this game you will wish that the story would JUST KEEP GOING... If you're looking for a fun shooter, with some real-life attributes, mixed with a lot of "WoW moments" - this is the game you're looking for.

...I'm such a whore...

The blending of days that became Tuewensday...

5:30am - Tuesday morning: dark, COLD, alarm is going off -uhhhhg - snooze button...

6:04am - oh crap - GOTTA GO!...layers are placed over my body and I'm off for glorious physical training which of course is preceeded by 15 to 25 minutes of standing around outside in the sub 20 degree weather waiting...for what we never quite figure out...

7:40am - walking EVERYWHERE sucks...still cold outside...slipped on ice - ice sucks TOO!...back from PT phew...time to start the day...

9am - at work...yippie! time to rile up the troops!...or not...

work, work - bullshit a bit - a little more work...

4pm - time to go to work AGAIN...report for CQ...and this is the start of my DUTY from 4pm til 9 in the freggin morning...there is nothing happy about this...yes people, after rousing me from my pleasant slumber at what I like to refer to as the ass-crack of dawn and then completing a FULL regular duty day - it's time to go to work AGAIN...

6pm - eat some food - awesome...

9pm - walk around all the buldings in my area of operations...usually makes for about a 25 minute roundtrip...gotta make sure all the soldiers didn't burn the barracks down or anything...i love it!...nope - not burned down...all is quiet - everyone is going to bed early for fear of an early morning work call - word on the street is that we're supposed to get the call around 3am for everyone to report ready to be hooah and what not...either way - still got 12 more hours to go...

10pm - nothing
11pm - nothing
12pm - nothing
1am - uh oh...sleepy...here comes the pain...
2am - eyes hurt...wanna go to bed - not allowed...i love this...
3am - oops - think i was out for a bit...nothing going on - waste of time...
4am - no phone call to alert the troops...huh...brain hurts now...legs gettin wobbly...
5am - nothing
6am - people...go away - just want to go home...tired...cranky...uhhhhhg...
8am - call for a cab to get me in an hour and take me to my crib...to far to walk - to cold to walk - to tired to walk...walking sucks...
9am - released (yes, that's what they call it - how fitting huh?!)...
9:05am - no cab...very tired now...

9:07am - still no cab...getting mad...

9:10am - no cab - screw this...gotta suck it up and walk...

9:20am - halfway to the house and the phone rings - "you call fo' cab?" - i hate you...click...

9:25am - "home" what a great day(s)!

Holly CrapShiet!...

Well judging from my recent posts, or lack there of, you’ve all probably gathered that I did get my Xbox360…and I’m certain that a collective sigh of relief (or a collective something at least) has been let out now…

They called me at about 8:45 in the a.m. as I was (dropping the kids off at the pool) before heading off to work…my phone was in my pocket and on vibrate which always makes me freak out “oh shit I’m vibrating” every time anyone calls…I didn’t recognize the number, but hesitantly (I was dropping “the kids” off after all) answered it…and before he got half a sentence out I realized what was happening and quickly informed him that I would be there in “7 minutes”…which ended up being false because I left in such a hurry (yes I at least took the time to wipe-jeeeze) that about 100 feet from the entrance to receiving my prize I realized that I had left my ID and wallet back at the crib…needless to say (so I’ll say it) I only run THAT hard for a PT test…

The timing worked out though, and I arrived about three and a half minutes before THE GROUP of 20 or so other ME’s in search of the same objective…one bastard tried to cut in front of me and I almost had to remove his penis…this thankfully, was unnecessary and I rolled out with my new toy! Yippie!...I was so happy with myself I nearly peed all over me as I happily walked (half ran) to work)…hell it was all I could do not to show everyone I passed on the way my new prize…and yes…I am now a dork – don’t you judge me!...

Anyway…this is why posts have been nonexistent for the last week or so…sorry (not really though – I’m having a blast with this thing)….I woulda posted earlier that I got it, but I was hoping on having a really nice (funny) picture to put together for the I GOT IT post…it will happen though, but without the same impact…whateva…

I just kept getting sidetracked with trying to finalize a 44-page magazine that I am now the editor of – which may not seem like a lot unless you think about the fact that I’m not only deciding what goes in to the damn thing, but I’m also charged with laying everything out in a creative design, organizing it all so it works together, copy-editing every story, coming up with styles for certain aspects (bylines, photo credits, etc.) and then having to put it all together all while learning completely new software – well then you’d understand that my brain is FRIED…

There’s that, and my Soldiers are keeping me busy…I’m an NCO now after all – a noncommissioned officer for those of you not in the “know” – which means that part of my daily duties in the Army is to be a – in a word – leader…we even have a creed, which while it can seem corny, actually helps me sometimes remember why I’m still in this thing and why I wanted to be promoted and have this responsibility –

“No one is more professional than I. I am a Noncommissioned Officer, a leader of Soldiers.” And it goes on to reinforce that we, as NCO’s are what keep the Army rolling (the backbone).

Basically, I’m supposed to not only KNOW the standard, but enforce the standard, and at all times BE the example – and that’s MY standard…those of you who know me in the military might find this crazy and almost like I’m tryin’ to b.s. my own people, but honestly I don’t think any of you would see me the same if you saw me here…I wake up early – I’m on time or early for everything (even first formation!) and even though there are other NCO’s senior to me in my office I at least attempt to set the standard for the Soldiers around me on a daily basis…it’s good shit – the neat thing is that I have not forgotten all the shit that I went through (or put my NCO’s through) for me to get to this point and that comes through with a lot of the guys that I have out here…

Many new/young/junior NCOs fall in to the trap of turning into assholes or at least completely different people when they get promoted, which in turn causes their Soldiers to see that, and thus lose ALL respect for them as leaders… anyway I’m rambling…and I was an asshole before so it’s no big deal!

ANYWAY - This week I recommended one of my Soldiers for nonjudicial punishment under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (fun stuff, I have three, which is still a record in my last unit!) because he just wouldn’t fix HIMSELF…late, late, late, late, late, and no excuses…the kid kept accepting that HE was WRONG, but just refused to fix it…and thus I was left with no other recourse…I feel like such a bastard, but deep down I KNOW that he deserves it and more so - I KNOW that HE knows that he deserves it…it’s just weird for me and that’s the main reason why I got off on this tangent here…I was always on the OTHER side (his side) of this process and it’s awkward…fact of the matter is that I emailed my old NCO from Germany just to say thanks and APOLOGIZE for everything – all the stress and EXTRA nonsense I caused her…wow…does this mean that I’m growing up? –

Screw that – I’m going to play my Xbox360! HA! Take that!