The Finch that lost Christmas…

Yup – it’s official…I’ve lost Christmas…I thought I had gotten it back last year for good, even with a few crazy and unexplainable what-the-hell-just-happened moments…the Happiness, the Love, the Beauty that the holiday can, and should, Be…

When the Thought IS what really matters, because the Thought is to try and put the purest of pure smiles on your loved-one’s face(s)…that moment when the paper is torn apart and the gift you gleaned to find – the perfect gift – is revealed and your heart is filled with the joy of your loved one…their happiness fills you with a warmth that can only occur right then and there at that place and at that specific moment in time…

It’s funny ‘cause while I’m writing this gibberish I’m thinking about what my family went through back when Christmas was still Santa and his Elves for me and my convict of a brother (gotta give you shit bro)…how they must have nearly shanked their own eyes out trying to figure out what to get, or how to get it, or how to make THIS YEAR special…simply because they Cared about seeing that Moment – that pure happiness – and feeling that Warmth that comes with it…whoa - that was weird…

I remember one year my Uncle Gene (Forrest as he is now commonly known as) and my Aunt Diana (still Diana!) came down to Richmond…this was back before they had their now High School-aged children (jeeze – that’s weird)…it was so fun – I mean this was MY uncle – STILL IS DAMMIT! HA! – and I loved whenever he was around, so this being Christmas time, was even better…both he and Diana treated us like we were their own ‘cause well - like I said – they didn’t have THEIR OWN yet…I remember one year (it may be part of the same, I can’t remember) they got us a Nintendo (which had just come out and we didn’t know what the hell it was) not JUST the Nintendo though, the whole deal people, the PowerPad, the gun, some games – put it this way – even WITH my Xbox360 I STILL find time to play the original Mario Bros. every now and then…but while me and my brother were mystified by the technology I swear I recall Gene and Diana repeatedly snagging the controllers and “showing us how to do it” and havin’ a blast…anyway I digress…

…This one year they came down and the last present was these strange puzzle pieces that they had no doubt painstakingly created which, when put together, was a map of clues to our last present…I remember being so damn impressed with the fact that these people were able to create a couple homemade puzzles…anyway, I think my clues led me outside to the front porch to a new bike – which seemed kinda lame (the front porch aspect) when we deciphered my brother’s puzzle…

You remember those Bigfoot things for kids…the battery powered things shaped like a monster truck that little kids could drive around and stuff…well yeah that was his present…the thing was, is we looked at that damn puzzle for awhile – I mean I found mine pretty quick ‘cause I mean – it’s on the freggin front porch duh!...but we’re workin’ it and we work our way into the bathroom of all places and me and my brother are baffled at this point (yes, I’m helping dammit, what are older brothers for – that and I was genuinely curious)…low and behold there was a Bigfoot in the bathtub…I don’t remember who pulled the curtain back but sure as shit – there it was…I think he actually peed himself – either from sheer excitement or happiness, but bowel control was certainly a concern (hell the kid used to run to piss every time the Pink Panther cartoon came on because he got so excited – it was like clockwork)…

But THAT is Christmas in my mind…I cannot begin to imagine the warmth that my parents and my aunt and uncle felt at those moments…yes, it’s also about religion and celebrating Christ, but more so I like to think of it as an opportunity to press reset on the year and for a day, a week, a month – whatever – for everyone to be happy and move past all the nonsense…a chance to stop working to put smiles on our own faces, but to try and make sure that the people we care about KNOW that we care and how important they are to us…which religiously speaking – if you’re in to that sort of thing – is all done IN celebration of the Baby Jesus…so there…I’m losing track here though…

Anyway, last year I ran out and bought a fake – but lovely – full size tree and a bunch of ornaments and a star for the top and lights and - well yeah, I bought a tree…my lady was coming to town – my fiancé at the time and I wanted it to be Christmas…I shopped…I ordered stuff…I asked people for advice on good gifts or other Christmassy ideas…bought some diamonds for her (ooooohh yeah! Momma ain’t raise no fool) wrapped a bunch of stuff – she sent me wrapped presents in the mail so I had them under my tree in my one-bedroom crib back at Fort Knox…hell – my 42 inch plasma screen (roughly the size of a fireplace) sat on a stand basically on the floor and I picked up this DVD of a fireplace which I thought – while corny – was a lovely touch…

Then it even snowed – this was gonna be perfect…but then it kept snowing and snowing and snowing and snowing and the morning I went to pick her up at the airport I had to get two guys in the parking lot to help push me out…

She was jet-lagged when I got to her but was amazed the whole way back to Knox by the snowiness…then the tree…and then we stayed up late Christmas Eve and opened our presents at 12:01 a.m. Christmas morning…basking in the glow of my “fireplace”…

I finally – after four years of sucky December 25’s spent alone and away from home – had Christmas back…and we were planning to get married, and all Christmas’s future looked to be wonderful and glorious…the Warmth people – I once again had the Warmth…

But alas…that was 362 days ago…and things change…and Warmth cools over time…

I’m now, as you know, in South Korea…and, as you don’t (didn’t know) there will be no marriage…and I am once again relegated to spending another so-called Christmas in the Army… alone and somewhere FAR, FAR away from family…far, far away from any semblance of Warmth…

Wow, this really took off in a whole different direction than I had originally intended…
This time of year always brings about an opportunity – for good or ill – for reflection…so that’s where I’m at right now…I’ve been thinking about posting a nice Christmas Past post about my Christmas’s since leaving home and doing the whole Soldier thing…if for no other reason than in hopes of keeping some poor bastard who accidentally reads my post from putting himself through the same beating…

More so though – just want to write some stuff…keep my brain busy…that and after I post the Christmas Past thing I can then post a Christmas Present thing…which apparently will include tacos and alcohol…so stay tuned – and Merry Christmas!...